A sleepless night. I was scared to drop off just in case I missed a passing car. If there are other people out there, they must be searching too. All night I stared out the window willing headlights to appear. Nothing. No lights, No car engine. No-one. It was so quiet I could hear my eyes blink. I never even knew that was possible.
I haven't watched the sun rise in forever. It is so beautiful but it was wasted on my exhausted eyes.
It started to rain about nine o'clock. Heavy, too. The drops slid down the outside of the window like the world was crying. I matched it like for like with tears of my own.
I listened to every message left on my answerphone over and over again this morning. It was nice to hear a different voice to my own. Even though most were telemarketers and voices I didn't know, it was comforting. There were other people once. I didn't imagine them.
I dragged my sheets from the bed and spread them out on the living room floor. A couple of hours later I have two big banners ready to hang somewhere.
The rain continued all day so I stayed inside. I remembered someone gave us one of those electronic picture frames last Christmas so I dug it out of the cupboard and killed some time uploading photos of Ian onto it. Instead of DVDs I watched Ian tonight. I tried to memorise every line and every freckle, wondering all the while if I would ever get to touch him again.
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